So Woody Allen says, ‘don’t knock masturbation it’s sex with someone you love.’

I can’t believe he got away with using the M word. I use the M word a lot. I haven’t always and it hasn’t always been an easy word to say. My friends used to say I said certain things for shock value but I believe they now understand that I’m just trying to get us to start the conversation because it really isn’t a dirty word.

In fact it’s actually a medical term.

It also has many benefits. Perhaps you know Betty Dodson, she wrote a book about 30 years ago called “Sex For One: The Joy of Self-Loving.” When it first appeared it must have been shocking. She’s in her 80’s now and she is still discussing and advocating masturbation. She calls it sex with yourself. It’s about exploring and understanding your own body. And, It’s always faithfully there. It has been said that the moment of orgasm is the moment when we are closest to God, our higher self or source.

In that moment we forget who we should be, who we want to be, who we could be. In that moment we just are.

A few months ago I convinced a few friends to join me on a field trip. We went to see the movie “Hysteria.” It’s a movie about the management and treatment of hysteria. For hundreds of years hysteria was a medical diagnosis given to women with symptoms ranging from anxiety, depression and insomnia, cramps, sexual frustration and a tendency to cause trouble. This movie is a fictional account about hysteria and its ultimate ‘cure’. The premise was this… a new doctor is hired and his job is now treating hysteria by massaging the genitals until the point of hysterical paroxysm…in other words, bringing each woman to orgasm, eliminating her symptoms. After a few weeks treating women, the lineup in his waiting room became longer and longer. His wrist and hand became inflamed because of overuse. He almost had to leave the practice.

Fortunately, his roommate, an inventor, was designing an electric hand duster. And thus was borne the 1st electric vibrator!

Needless to say, the doctor and the inventor became instantly rich and women everywhere were no longer afflicted with hysteria.

I’m often asked by my clients “Why aren’t things working like they used to?” In other words, why does their body no longer desire sex or respond in the way it did when they were younger? Their general health can be a big contributing factor to this, among many. And although it’s relatively easy to find information about how to stay healthy as we get older, there is very little about how our sexual health is related to our overall health. And, it is!

Here are a few things to consider:

1. You may be exercising your body but your kegels, the pelvic floor muscles, also need to be exercised. This is beneficial for many reasons especially those concerned with pelvic floor prolapse, fecal incontinence or urinary incontinence (aka ‘the sneeze factor’). Pelvic floor prolapse occurs when the uterus falls away from the surrounding tissues. It may happen during childbirth or as women age. In serious cases, surgery is required to lift the uterus back into place. Urinary incontinence or loss of control of the bladder, which occurs mostly in women, or fecal incontinence or loss of control of the bowels, common in men and women, is becoming a silent epidemic. The shame and humiliation that results from advanced incontinence can lead to agoraphobic tendencies. In addition, being sexually active when faced with these general health issues is often unlikely. When considering prevention, kegel exercises and other exercises that strengthen the core can make a huge difference.

2. Stress levels, which cause many illnesses, may also cause sexual health issues in ways that you might not have considered. Fatigue is the main concern. The more stress in our lives, the less likely we are to put time aside for exercise and ultimately for sex and intimacy, whether solo or partnered. It is important to set aside time for exercise as it allows our body to produce the endorphins, the same hormone produced during sex. A healthy body, a healthy sex life.

3. The medications you may be taking to address general health issues can interfere with your sexual health and your sexual responsiveness. Medications taken for high blood pressure, diabetes, anxiety or depression, for example, can and often do have a negative impact on libido too. Make sure you consult with your physician when taking any medication as to the potential side-effects of these drugs, as your physician may not bring it up themselves.

And, it works in reverse as well! Sexual health is an important aspect of most people’s lives. If an individual has a stimulating (pun intended) intimate life, whether solo or partnered, this excitement spills over into other aspects of their life, improving their general health and well-being.

So, whether you are young or young at heart, solo or partnered, it is important to know that exercise, whether in the bedroom, the gym or both, will contribute considerably to a healthy body and emotional state. So get off the computer and back to the exercise routine…whatever form it takes or wherever that is for you!

As a society many of us are in denial that we are sexual beings from birth until death. What I mean by that is how we express ourselves, relate to others and connect with others. A senior needs touch just as much as a child. And as we age some people seem to have the belief that there is an expiry on our need for touch and intimacy. This is far from the truth. As we get older, we may lose our partner, our family members, or circle of friends and community. The need for touch, intimacy and of course community remains a very important part of our lives.

We can no longer become pregnant so why do we need to worry about protection? We need to worry about protection for the same reason a young adult does. Sexually transmitted infections are not age discriminate. They are passed from one individual to another through intimate contact whether we are 20 or 90. We are living longer, healthier lives and have access to drugs such as Viagra that just may allow us to enjoy intimacy through penetrative sex a little bit longer. According to SIDA/AIDS Moncton director Debby Warren, “a lack of sex education geared to [those over 50] is helping to fuel a silent epidemic”. http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/story/2010/07/09/nb-seniors-sex-education-stds-558.html. Sexually transmitted infections are on the rise in seniors in North America. Very few studies and very little quality sexual health information is available to boomers and seniors and I believe this is a big problem which, for a number of reasons, will only get bigger. Ian Cork states, “unlike younger generations, seniors have not been bombarded with safe-sex campaigns. Even today, simple educational programs, such as the importance of using a condom, ignore this age group.” http://www.solutions-online.ca/items/articles/sexdrugsseniors/sds.html . Having said that, physical intimacy may not be about penetrative sex, it may be about holding hands, having a bubble bath, cuddling and massage. But at any age isn’t it best to have all the information we can get our hands on so we can make our own choices? Hopefully they are healthy choices.

And how do we start the conversation with a potential partner? For most in their boomer or senior years they’ve never had to consider having a conversation about safer sex. They may have married their first love and now they are single for the first time in many years due to divorce or loss of a partner. So how does one have that conversation? First of all, consider that both of you need to think about your own health AND your potential partner’s. If you make it about both of you, you are more likely to have the conversation. Secondly, getting tested is a good place to start, always keeping in mind that you are doing it together for the benefit of both of you. Finally, what kind of protection is there out there? Condoms, female condoms and dental dams are the only barriers for safer sex. Learn about them and practice using them so you are not trying to figure it out in the heat of the moment. I guarantee that even though the first time will take a lot of courage, you’ll definitely appreciate knowing about your health and getting some much-needed information about how to practice safer sex.

As we get older, sex, intimacy and relationships will look very different than they did in our younger years. We will move differently, respond differently and have different needs. For many this is a good thing! We now slow down and take our time…because we have to and because we can. Whatever your flavour of sexual expression; keep the lines of communication open, be creative and most of all, have a sense of humour!

Last Thursday was the very exciting and anticipated launch of my business and my dream A Juicy Life Sexual Health Education. It took a lot of planning, exciting and stressful anticipation and so many great and supportive friends, a business coach and a business consultant. Whew! It was quite a team and I couldn’t have done it without them.

The event was held on International Women’s Day at my friend’s beautiful home in Edgemont Village, North Vancouver. Guests were greeted with a cranberry punch and an array of colours, textures, sounds and a few unexpected guests…the stuffies…I call them. If you come to a future event you’ll see what I mean! 45 minutes into our evening, with a room packed full of incredible friends and inquiring minds, I offered the why’s, how’s and what’s of A Juicy Life, comforted in the knowledge that we were all there for the same reason, to create an incredible community of women who were free to talk about sexuality whether it be health or pleasure based. No taboos, no judgment, just a sharing of information. I was so thrilled that everyone appeared to be enjoying themselves and was comfortable enough to ask a milieu of questions, very affirming for me and the vision of A Juicy Life.

So looking forward, I will continue to offer or host a variety of Light My Fire events, big or small, for 100’s or for 2. Everyone’s idea of a perfect gathering is different. I can shape my lessons, conversations, women’s circles, events into what you need. The common thread being a comfortable and safe space to speak candidly about your sexual health. So last Thursday, as the butterflies fell away after about 10 minutes of speaking they were replaced by goosebumps. It’s the goosebumps that remind me how fortunate I am to be surrounded by such talented, incredible and powerful women! So watch out for upcoming events!

I was asked by a client the other day, “How do I bring up the female condom to my partner?” The first thing that always pops into my mind is that men usually don’t think how, they just do! If men have decided to use a condom they will use a condom.

So here are 3 of the many great reasons:

1. The best reason is because it protects both of you.
2. The next reason is because it truly is easier to use once you get the hang of it, as it doesn’t have to be inserted right in the heat of the moment. And, I bet the first time he used a male condom it wasn’t so easy.
3. And another reason is because it’s sexy. Yes, sexy! When introducing something new to a relationship it can be exciting to experiment and learn together. The focus is on you and your vulva. You love it and so does he!

I’ve heard from many individuals who have tried the female condom. The thing to keep in mind is that if you make it part of your routine it will not be questioned. And remember, safe is the new sexy!